I felt guilty for doing what was natural to me all too often; sharing. I heard it often enough that it became part of my internal dialogue. I started scolding myself for sharing, questioning everything I said to my friends, and at times even felt shame for sharing. At some point over the years, I decided to give myself grace and settled into the type of comfort only people who genuinely know and love themselves can understand. After my diagnosis, I began noticing how people reacted to my honesty. It is no surprise that people are uncomfortable with talking about ‘the big C’. I am acutely aware of this, as I used to be one of those people. I also recognized that people just do not like the feeling of experiencing someone else’s negative feelings. It’s never pleasant and many people default to fixers. Still, I had this driving need to honor myself, to speak my truth, and, maybe most importantly in this case, to raise awareness of an illness I never even knew existed until I was sitting in front of a doctor telling me I had it.
On December 8th 2020, I published an article called Three Years Later. It was an unplanned release motived by the realization that the next day would be the three year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis; my cancerversary. It was 9:30pm on Monday December 7th and I was trying to will myself to sleep so IContinue reading “Overcoming the Whispers of Self-Doubt”
Happy New Year! Yes, I realize it’s twenty four days into the new year but do you think good wishes for the new year will ever get old this year? I think not. We have weathered the worse storm my generation, the one after me and before me will every experience. While there were aContinue reading “(In)Coherent Ramblings and Renewed Focus”
It was three years ago, right this very moment, I sat on the side of my bed, covered in bruises, blood vessels bursting, hemorrhaging, on the phone with TeleHealth to ask them if they thought I should go to work or not. I intended on going. I had already missed a full week in the office for the muscle I had locked in my hip days before. I didn’t want to miss anymore time at work.
It was easy to pass it off as not a big deal. Like I was being a big baby. I should just suck it up because duty calls.
I allowed the emotions to visit me because it’s healthy to remember from where and how far you’ve come. Not only to pat myself on the back for my progress but also as continued motivation.
I only stayed there for a very short while; a few minutes at best. It’s not healthy to stay there any longer. It’s in the past and serves no great purpose. Instead, I began thinking about what it took to break the anxiety. Not only learning the lessons of how to be healthier mentally but also to begin putting those lessons into practice.
One of the things I promised myself was I would never lead my life with fear again.
I recently had the honour of sitting down for a virtual chat with Soar Above Cancer; a podcast dedicated to helping cancer survivors. Join us for this discussion where we explore what it was like being a career-focused busy mom whose world came crashing down in an instant, the gift of clarity and purpose as a result, how http://www.SoYouVeGotCancer.ca came to be, parenting with cancer and more!
I just wanted to ask them a few questions to try to prove a point. I was totally unprepared for the responses I received, and especially the answers I didn’t receive. In my ignorance, I believed that people would be as eager to share their experience as I am. It didn’t occur to me right away that this would be a complex investigation that may be triggering and painful to people for a number of reasons…but it’s not my story to tell. I typed the words, but it’s their story and you need to hear it.
As a human who knows what it’s like to feel marginalized by disability, discriminated against, alone, different, in danger, helpless, I hope that you can see the commonalities in the experience of racially marginalized people and just how different we are not. I hope you will join me for this article and the others coming to tackle this issue. I hope you will join this revolution. The time is now.
Today is the first day I’ve been alone in eight weeks. I simply could not have anticipated how a global pandemic, Covid19 (formerly known as the Coronavirus) would impact me. I mean, going from feeling like the strongest opponent in the world after coming so close to the brink of death, to a near full recovery was an almost euphoric feeling that was quite short lived. In fact, I swore I wasn’t going to write about this. Eight weeks later, here I am, writing about it.
Here’s the deal, 75% of Adolescents and Adolescents & Young Adults (AYAs) will experience a chronic disease by the time they are 40 years old and about 50% of all long term survivors will experience moderate to severely diminished health. So, while it’s never too late to start exercising, the sooner the better.